Self-Compassion: Treat Yourself as You Would a Friend

There is no question that, as women, we’re quick to judge ourselves harshly and focus on what we should have done or did not do, rather than what we accomplished.

Self-Compassion

Being kind to yourself is showing self-compassion. Many people confuse this with self-indulgence or may go as far as to consider this to be selfish. Should you be worried that others will perceive you as being selfish when you’re kind to yourself or show appreciation for what you’ve achieved?

The answer is, No. Being kind to yourself is just as important, if not more so, as being kind to others. Treat yourself as you would a friend.

Self-Compassion Makes You More Optimistic

Being kind to yourself means you can stop that vicious cycle of self-blame and recrimination. It prevents you from dwelling on past mistakes. Self-compassion allows you to build your resilience and confidence so you can pick yourself up and get back on track.

This is an area that I have had to work on. It is so easy to rehash past events, and even past mistakes, and spend a lot of time replaying the events in my mind. I’ve had to learn to tell myself to stop the movie reel. The past is gone and I don’t live there anymore. There’s no point in telling myself what I could have done differently. I don’t live there anymore. I live in the present.

When you treat yourself as you would a friend, your anxiety levels drop, your mood lifts, and you become more optimistic and hopeful about the future.

Become more Mindful

Perhaps the best way to start your self-compassion practice is to adopt a more mindful attitude to life. Mindfulness focuses on the acceptance of who you are, where you are right now — with all your faults and failings, as well as your inner beauty and kindness to yourself and others. Accept that whatever you're experiencing and feeling in the present moment is okay.

Mindfulness and self-compassion help you to overcome denial and hesitation in your reality. It allows space for hope to come in. And hope has been described as an anchor, which keeps you firmly grounded with the realization that as long as there is hope, positive outcomes are possible.

Accept that Hard Times Are Part of the Deal

Self-compassion accepts that all human lives are a mixture of challenges and happy times. Very often, you have little or no control over the negative things that happen in life. All you can do is decide how you’ll react when faced with these situations.

You always have choices and the choices you make will reflect who you are at the core. Will you be overwhelmed or will you be angry? Or will you roll with punches, learn from your experiences, and get back up again? Will you seek to discover if there are lessons you can learn, or will you choose to wallow in self-pity and give up?

In situations that cause you to be fearful, illness, natural disasters, or any other of life's stressors, self-compassion allows you to take guilt or blame out of the equation and deal with whatever you're faced with.

Treat Yourself As You Would A Friend

Take a moment to look at how you're reacting. What is your self-talk saying to you? Are you reassuring yourself that things will work out okay, or are you beating yourself up for something you did or didn't do? Would you talk to your best friend like that? How would they feel?

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